Dark Night of the Soul

1 Peter 1:6-7
6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

In the midst of what Tozer refers to as “the dark night of the soul”, I have learned to rejoice in trials. It is a time where the LORD has been silently with me. The greatest suffering that I’ve endured has been how the LORD has stripped away the guise of emotion so that my spirit lay bare before him.

Often I’ve wanted to hear something, anything from you LORD. I would’ve rather been chastised than to endure your silence. I have grieved the loss of your company and yet you never left me. I remember just prior to learning of Susan’s (my mother-in-love) cancer and the need for us to return from living in South Asia, how you spoke more clearly to me than I’ve ever heard. That one word you spoke – “Emmanuel” – pierced my heart so that even now in your silence I can hear the echo, like ripples on a pond moving outward to cover my soul with the impact of your embrace.

At times I have taken liberty and sought affection elsewhere. Almost as if to punish you for your silence I allowed my heart to drift toward idolatry. But now you have brushed against me once more. You have taken my hand, and though still silent, my heart has been broken at how quickly I forsook you. I am learning that this trial has not been punishment, but rather purifying. You have proved my faith genuine by taking me through the refiner’s fire. So now I sit quietly with you in praise and thanksgiving in my heart that you never left me. Now all glory and honor is yours as Jesus Christ has been revealed in me through taking away all my props and crutches. Again I’m amazed at your gentle but strong presence. You don’t have to say a word – I know you’re with me!